Where Can I Turn for Peace?

I will forewarn you that this blog entry is quite spiritual in nature. I do not want to preach to anyone but at the same time my testimony is part of who I am. I feel compelled to write about this past weekend's Stake Conference. Before I share some nuggets of knowledge, let me begin by saying that I have been in a very dark and angry place the last 6 months. Our lives have been upset and I have been confused. I want to have faith and not fear. However, I just haven't been able to move on...until this past weekend.

The Saturday session of conference for adults was amazing! At one point I remember thinking that all the speakers seemed so happy. I miss that happiness. As hymns were sung, gospel truths came flooding back to me that made it impossible for me to raise my own voice in song. Tears streamed down my face and I remembered how much the Lord loves me and is watching out for our little family. The general authority who came was President Hicken. He spoke on grace. As he defined and gave examples of what grace is in everyday terms, so many of my prayers were answered. I finally felt like I could be still and trust that through the grace of God all would be well. The biggest revelation was found in this quote, "When you don't complain, God makes things easy". I realized that I have been murmuring for way too long and its time to give it a rest! As the Holy Ghost spoke to my heart, over and over again, I was comforted to the point that I felt like the Lord was literally cradling me in his arms. What an awesome feeling!!! One I have not experienced in a very long time!

My heart aches as I watch Joe receive rejection after rejection. His dreams have vanished and his self esteem has been tested to the limit. After the meeting we were able to go talk to President Fisher (Billings, MT Mission President....And one of Dad's heroes). We had the privilege of meeting him just 2 weeks ago at a fireside. He asked Joe how things were coming along with the job hunt since we last spoke. When Joe replied that we still had no for sure employment, Pres. Fisher's eyes softened and pierced Joe's soul. He asked, "Have you had a blessing recently?" Joe humbly replied that he hadn't but felt impressed to ask Pres. Fisher to give him one. Pres. Fisher replied that he had felt prompted throughout the meeting to offer Joe a blessing but didn't know if he should ask. The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? How wonderful that the Spirit prompted both men to a way for Joe to receive divine help. Pres. Fisher scheduled to meet with us after the Sunday session.

Holding on one more day may seem easy but Joe is so close to hitting his breaking point. Another rejection letter for a university basketball coaching opportunity had come in the mail while we had been gone. It just seems to never end! Fortunately, I have been able to still feel the Savior's love and comforting arms around me and know that somehow, all will be well. This comfort, however, continued to elude Joe.

Jansen sang in the youth choir at the Sunday session and we were again spiritually uplifted and edified by the Spirit. After the conference, we met with Pres. Fisher and his wife too! What an amazing couple! Anyway, Pres. Fisher was able to give Joe the equivalent of a father's blessing. The words were sweet yet firm. He was told that this is a stepping stone process and reminded of how much the Lord loves him. It was a beautiful blessing and much needed. We then got to visit with the Pres. and his wife and got to know them better. Again, Pres. Fisher told our kids how their grandpa continues to be his hero! His wife commented that she knew about "Wes" before she had even met Craig's sisters when they had started dating. Wow Dad!

The blessing has brought much needed peace to Joe. We still don't know what the future holds for us. However, we know that if we remain true and faithful.. everything will work out as it should. I am amazed at how much the Lord loves each of us. I'm thankful to have received a spiritual boost by attending Stake Conference. Who knew that so many prayers could be answered in a few hours. I am so glad that I finally feel peace in my soul!

So here is what I learned:
-Light and truth forsaketh the evil one.
-Gratitude will open the door to happiness.
-Keep your eye on the mark.
-Teach your children...don't just let them drift along!
-Rejoice in tribulation.
-We will be held accountable for what we do not do.
-We receive grace upon grace everyday!
-Grace is what allows a mother to juggle everything.
-Grace gives us the capacity to be more than we can possible be!
-Our burdens and challenges will be less if we stop murmuring.
-There is a big difference between being casually engaged vs. anxiously engaged in the work.
-God binds us so he can free us...Satan frees us so he can bind us!
-Disappointment is a passing thing but depression and discouragement is a place.
-Let us be believers!

If you actually read this entire blog, you should probably receive an award! LOL! Thank you for being my family and loving me through ups and downs in life. How blessed we are to have the restored gospel on the earth to help us get through life's trials. I'll end with my favorite scripture...Pray always that ye may come off conqueror! I know the Lord is ready to pour out his blessings and love on all of us...if only we would remember to ask for his guidance in our lives a little more often!

love and miss you,
allie