Free From Fear of Funerals

This past Saturday we had a terrible tragedy right here in Hamilton. One of the LDS Young Men committed suicide on Saturday morning. He was 16 and in the 10th grade. He had played on the freshmen basketball squad last year so Joe knew him quite well. He was outgoing, friendly, and always had a smile on his face. Although he had started having problems with morality and alcohol he remained a kid that everybody loved. He and his girlfriend broke up about 2 weeks ago and he just couldn't handle it. The night before he died he had spent with 2 seniors (starters on the Varsity team-Jake and Lucky) watching movies. They tried their hardest to cheer him up and told him things like "it's just high school" and "this will be funny a year from now" and so on. Obviously, they were devastated by what happened the next morning.
Justin was babysitting his younger siblings because his step-dad was working and his mom had headed to Costco in Missoula. Unfortunately, his younger sister who happens to be in Jansen's class had 2 friends over too. (Also in Jansen's class) Justin was arguing with his girlfriend on the phone and then threw his cell phone across the room, grabbed a gun, and shot himself. My close friend Carol Northcott was the first adult on the scene shortly after the ambulance arrived and she stayed the entire day with the family.
Our community is in total shock and the basketball team is a total wreck. Thankfully they had the funeral quickly. I wasn't sure if I could handle going because I rarely go to funerals but I really felt like I should be there for Joe. Justin's suicide had brought up the repressed feelings of Joe's uncle's suicide when Joe was in the 6th grade. I wanted to be able to comfort him. Also, one of my young women had mentioned that although she didn't know Justin very well, she felt that she needed to keep her baptismal covenant of mourning with those who mourn. How could I not go?
The funeral was very nice. Over 700 people filled our chapel and gym to pay their respects. The bishop and Stake President gave wonderful talks that many nonmembers have said they really enjoyed. The uncle of the boy who is a bishop also gave a wonderful talk about life being a 3 act play. The eulogy was given by his mother Heidi. She did a beautiful job!
As they brought in the casket I stood and reflected on all the missed funerals througout my life. I am so scared of death and grieving. Tears streamed down my face and I felt about 6 years of emotion build up. I thought of ward members who had died but mainly I thought about Grandaddy and David. By the time the funeral was over I felt so much peace. I truly felt the Holy Ghost comforting not just me but everyone there. The high school kids desperately needed some closure and I felt that we all received that.
It is always hard when someone you love passes away but the circumstances of Justin's death made it so much harder. The funeral program had Justin's poetry about loving life, written 3 different times throughout his short life. The most recent one had just been written this past semester. Joe has had the opportunity to talk to many of his players (especially Lucky and Jake since they have no family here). I am thankful for my life and for my testimony of the plan of salvation. I am thankful for our Savior who offered the infinite atonement. I find comfort in knowing how much our Heavenly Father loves us. Even though I still don't like death and grieving, I am so thankful that I am finally freed from my fear of funerals!
love, allie